Foiled again

So, as feared, the PlumpyNut was just a pipe dream. Its being sent elsewhere in the country (to where a higher percentage of the kids are malnourished).

People from the other BIPAI sites write positive, upbeat posts about their kids who are doing so well on ARVs. That's what I want to be writing, really, it is.

We do have a few successes - one of our malnourished patients gained a little weight last week after weeks of alternating between weight loss and holding steady. And our very first patient who had TB & HIV, who we started on ARVs is gaining weight, feeling better and doing pretty well. And we are helping look after a whole bunch of kids who were terribly sick before they started ARVs and now are doing well.

But what haunts me when I go home at night are the ones who aren't doing well.
In our one room clinic (for 4 doctors) in a cockroach-infested hospital, without nutritional supplements, we continue to watch kids waste away for the forseeable future.

It makes it worse to know that in the other BIPAI sites, they work in fancy new buildings, they have nutritional supplements, PCR, second line drugs, a computerized health record system, other needed medications usually available. They get things like text books, and drug dosing cards. They have receptionists and a waiting area. And nurses. They even have bathrooms! (we have none of the above).

We do have 1st line ARVs, 1st line TB drugs, and a few other drugs - many places in Africa don't even have that, so I am thankful for that. And we can give them vitamin A now!! And we have our textbooks from home, and our own computers.

But often, we write prescriptions for meds that we know the parents won't buy because they can't afford it. We send them to the CREN, knowing they don't get adequate calories there and yet that is the official government system for now.

From a fancy hotel, or a business class plane seat, or a fancy white SUV, its easy to talk about taking things slowly, not "rushing things" or pushing to hard.

But how do you do that when the kids you are looking after are starving before your eyes? While a shipment of PlumpyNut expires because it's not being used. How do you cope with that?
If you think you can change it or that it will change, it helps - that's what has sustained me for the last 6 months. But if there is no relief in sight, what then?