Procrastination and my list of things to do

Why is it that I am surfing the net, painting my nails, writing blogs, etc when I have a huge list of things to do? And rather than doing something that is outright fun, I procrastinate. Ugh! I think part of it is that I subconciously rebel against spending my Saturday morning working. But its not logical, because the list of things to do weighs on me, prevents me from doing fun things. And the internet makes me feel connected with home.

Speaking of connections, last night we went again to listen to the balafons - those evenings make me feel connected with being here in a social way. The loud music, the kids and men dancing, the dust and the glare of the fluorescent light backlighting the band, their dark faces shadowed so all we can see are outlines.

Maybe its chance, maybe its where i am in my life, maybe its the fact that we were starting a new project in awkward circumstances (our intended partners / hosts initially didn't want us here... so we've moved from hostility to acceptance but for me, still don't feel welcome in some ways). My colleagues in Ouaga seem more interested in being friends as well as colleagues... people here in Bobo haven't responded to any of the tentatively friendly moves made, and have made no welcoming or friendly moves. (unless you count the young men downtown who make inappropriate propositions and harass any white woman unaccompanied by a male).

I'm not sure why but I've found it hard to be connected here socially than in other places I've lived. I had this fantasy that I'd meet families like my friends at "Carriere" in Noumea - an extended family that were essentially tolerated squatters beside the gravel pit - though their "squat" had running water, a generator, and 3 buildings plus pig pen, and volleyball court. I had such a close bond with them, and they taught me so much about Wallisian (polynesian) culture. I was always the "papalagi", the foreigner, but i was included in things like family religious occaisions, the family dance troupe, etc.

I guess my friendship with them was karma too though... I worked with their cousin, and the first Friday night I was there... she'd promised to bring some work friends to a family wedding who had backed out, so she grabbed me and two other young, single women who were at the post-work "happy hour" and brought us to Carriere.

That first night, I was so overwhelmed... translating for my non-French speaking friends (from the Cook Islands and Australia), being hit on by good looking young polynesian men but unsure what to make of them, dancing and having my Canadian dancing mocked by the polynesians... but I was hooked. It was the start of a love affair with a family, a culture... in retrospect that night was a life changing event. It set the tone for my time in New Caledonia, and for my love of international health and my views on social justice, racism, poverty.

Anyhow, the wandering introspection has come to an end, and I'm going to tackle the list of things to do... soon.